I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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