I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
