he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
