I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Randomize
