it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize