He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he fucked my hip out of place.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
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