I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
