Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
