YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
