Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize