Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
