How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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