The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
