well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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