How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
