Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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