you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
