i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Dick very happy bro
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
