he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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