wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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