so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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