Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
