my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
