Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
