as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
