Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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