I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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