I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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