I could make wine with my vomit
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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