I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
