Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
