he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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