well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
false alarm. still invincible.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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