shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
