Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
