Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Did I show you my penis last night?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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