i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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