I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
