I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize