Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
