I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
