they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
