OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
