after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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