he thought i was a dude.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
