If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize