Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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