I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
