you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
