I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize