I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
