he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I want to be your penis for a week.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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