I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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