Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
