Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
