Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the condom got lost in my hair
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Terrible idea I love it
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize