I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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