Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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