I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
