Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
