There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
