mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
