Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
