Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
