I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
