I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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