I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
