sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
