Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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