So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
