you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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