Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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