you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
