I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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