Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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