my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I think we might need a safe word for this...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
