Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
