someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
