There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
