ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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