it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
found the other keg... it's in the tree
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
