i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize