I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
