she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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