I'm jealous of your bromance
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
