Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize