Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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