I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
