Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
