Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
