why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
