so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The feeling are messing with the penis
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize