we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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