I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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