You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
