Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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