pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
