please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
