dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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