Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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