ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
