Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
