dude i'm inner monologue high
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
